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57 Y.O. / Female

Michelle Admine

Ph.D, M.A., M.S., Author, Life Coach
Certified Life Coach
  • My Time Zone: MST (10:15 AM)

8 Ways to Reconnect as a Couple

8 Ways to Reconnect as a Couple

Married couples and people in long-term relationships will sometimes find that their connections may grow distant after some time has passed. This doesn't mean that they no longer feel love for each other, but something is missing that they used to share.

If you and your partner are experiencing this lack of an emotional connection, it doesn't mean the relationship is ending. In fact, recognizing that you are drifting away from each other is the most important part of renewing your bond.

If you want to feel more connected to your partner, try these 8 ways to reconnect as a couple.

Say Thank You

When your relationship was new, you probably expressed gratitude for everything your partner did to help make your life easier or make you feel special. You may still feel thankful for those little efforts, or you may have started taking them for granted.

It's important to verbally express that you are thankful for the person you love and for all that your partner does. The next time the love of your life makes dinner for you, takes the kids off your hands or folds a load of laundry, take time to say thanks.

Touch for 30 seconds Each Day

Touching is important for any human connection, and it is particularly vital to a romantic relationship. You and your partner should be touching every day, even if it's just a quick kiss or a squeeze on the shoulder. Try to accumulate a total of at least 30 seconds of physical contact.

Take your partner's side

Sometimes people can feel a disconnection when one partner feels that the other is on the opposing team. When your other half is complaining about a situation at work, struggling with a friendship or having problems with a parent, express support. Even if you disagree with your partner, don't say so in the moment. You can be supportive without validating behavior or opinions. Instead, just make it clear that the two of you are a team.

Write love letters

Sit down and take a few minutes to write a love letter expressing what your relationship means to you and why it is central to your life. List everything you can think of that you love about your partner and praise any success or progress recently made. Avoid mentioning problems or challenges, and focus on your positive feelings about the relationship and your future together.

Make Time for Intimacy

It's easy to let your sex life go stale, even when you remain very much attracted to your partner. Life gets busy, and sex starts to take a backseat. The longer this goes on, the harder it becomes to get intimate again.

Find times to initiate sexual experiences. If this proves too difficult, actually plan time for sex. It might not seem romantic, but it will help you get back to the relationship you want.

Get away from Distractions

Jobs, children, extended family and social commitments all take your time and energy away from your relationship. It becomes easy to neglect each other when you are conquering the challenges of life.

The best thing to do is to plan a weekend away every six or eight weeks. However, schedules and finances can make that impossible for some. If you can't go away together for a weekend, go to a hotel overnight. If you can't do that, then at least make arrangements to have dinner together alone at least once a month. You don't have to go out, but be sure you send the children to a friend's house. You can't have a quality date night by counting on the kids to go to bed.

Forgive Mistakes

When two people have been together a long time, they are going to hurt each other at some point. People make mistakes, and your partner is only human. Depending on how big or intense those mistakes have been, it can be hard to truly forgive and move on.

Try to cut your partner some slack for day to day slip-ups. Bigger issues should be worked out, not left to simmer under the surface. If you've already moved past betrayal or pain in your relationship, you've got to let it go completely. Don't bring it up, and don't let it affect your feelings toward your partner. Forgiveness is the only way to save your relationship.

Go to Couple's Counseling

Counseling is a good idea for everyone. It can help you communicate better and solve your problems more easily. A counselor will have many suggestions for helping you get back in touch with each other and become the team that you once were.

Counseling is especially important if you have big issues to overcome or if one person seems to be slipping further away or may be close to giving up.

All long-term relationships go through highs and lows, and there is no reason to worry if you are experiencing a time where you don't feel connected to your partner. Be open and honest about your concerns, and try these 8 tips for establishing a stronger connection.

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